


a crimson headache, aching blush

by pondify



Series: (boyf) riends with benefits [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Making Out, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Pining!Jeremy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 22:06:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12142110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pondify/pseuds/pondify
Summary: He supposes that it began, as it always does, with Michael.





	a crimson headache, aching blush

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is just a short drabble i wrote based on the idea of jeremy and michael in a friends with benefits au—because why do we get fake dating but not friends with benefits? there's not enough of this goddammit.
> 
> this one's just a oneshot but if you guys like it i'm considering making it a series!
> 
> i hope you enjoy!
> 
> (title is from halsey's "heaven in hiding")

_Friends with benefits._

How does a situation such as this even come into being? How does one make the transition from friendship to something not quite so innocent, from meeting as platonic friends to meeting in a completely new sense of the word? How does one take that first, tentative step onto shaky ground, to offer the proposition, to create a bridge between casual and sensual natures? To blur the lines drawn as boundaries between friendship and relationship until neither is sure where one ends and the other begins?

Jeremy wishes he had an answer. But when he’s pressed between a wall and Michael’s solid, warm body, his best friend’s fingers tangled in his curls as their mouths slot together, he finds he can’t really remember. He supposes that it began, as it always does, with Michael.

He’s just so fucking tired, with pale cheeks and dark hollows beneath his eyes. The self-loathing, the anxiety, are clawing at his chest, black and heavy in his lungs after a sleepless night of voices in his head.

The thing is, Jeremy’s been in love with Michael for as long as he can recall, maybe longer. For years, Michael’s warm brown eyes have made his heart clench painfully; for years, the sound of Michael’s laugh has created a swooping sensation in the pit of his stomach that doesn’t go away. For years he’s been aching to grab Michael’s face and kiss him, and now that he can, well. He can’t remember how or why this thing between them started.

He just knows that he _needs_ it.

 _Fucking pathetic,_ the voices say.

As though sensing his distraction, Michael draws back slightly, brow creased as he looks down at Jeremy. Trying to avoid his concerned expression, Jeremy cradles Michael’s face in his hands, cupping his jaw with thin, trembling fingers and looking away.

“Jeremy, what’s wrong?” Michael says, and in the darkness, his voice is soft, breath warm on Jeremy’s face. “You’ve been acting off all day.”

“Nothing,” says Jeremy, his voice breaking a little with the lie.

The thing is, he knows Michael will never love Jeremy the same way he does. Michael will never look at him adoringly, never want to trace every curve and angle of his body, to brush his lips over every freckle and map out the constellations within.

Michael’s frown deepens. “Jeremy,” he repeats, a little more sternly, and God, even in the circumstances, the way Michael’s sinful lips form Jeremy’s name makes his knees go weak.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jeremy says. He doesn’t. He doesn’t want to talk any more. They don’t have time.

“Jere—”

“Shut up,” Jeremy says, and drags Michael’s mouth back down to his.

It’s a relief, the heat of Michael’s soft lips against his, the contrast of his gentle kisses and the way his teeth catch Jeremy’s bottom lip and tug. This is what he craves, the give and take, the heat of lips and tongue and skin against skin, the warmth and want that pulses over him in waves and makes his toes curl as Michael presses closer to him in the confined space. When he sucks on Michael’s tongue, the taller boy’s quiet whine tastes sweet in Jeremy’s mouth, and Jeremy is dizzy with the heady rush that the sound gives him.

Michael tugs lightly on Jeremy’s hair, tilting his hips forward to press against Jeremy, and Jeremy answers by letting his hands fall to Michael’s waist and bunch in the fabric of his hoodie. The taste of Michael’s mouth is intoxicating, a godsend and a sin all in one. His hips roll into Jeremy’s again, the friction drawing a whimper from Jeremy’s throat.

Jeremy refuses to surrender, grinding against Michael and kissing him harder. Michael hums, letting his fingers trail down to press lightly on Jeremy’s throat, tracing his collarbones, making him shudder and gasp. He bites Jeremy’s lip, and Jeremy groans, their tongues sliding slick and warm against each other as they kiss with open mouths.

Slowly, Jeremy’s hands creep underneath Michael’s shirt, palms flattening over warmed, smooth skin, and Michael’s breath hitches. One of his hands returns to Jeremy’s hair, and he pulls his head back, ducking down to mouth hot kisses along the length of Jeremy’s pale neck. When he starts to suck a mark into Jeremy’s skin, careful to leave it below the neck of his shirt, Jeremy whines, hips bucking weakly into Michael’s. Jeremy’s hard in his jeans, and so is Michael, but there’s nothing they can do.

It’s not enough, never fucking enough, but in the little time they have, crammed together in a tiny mic closet backstage, they make do with what they can. And Jeremy is grateful for it.

The thing is, when they’re together like this, Jeremy can pretend that it means something more than it really does. He can let himself forget about everything until the only thing he knows is Michael. He can cling to that, and he can pretend that Michael does the same.

The thing is, the heaven he can find in these moments makes the hopeless, crushing weight of being in love with his best friend worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr!
> 
>  
> 
> [playground-ghost.tumblr.com](http://playground-ghost.tumblr.com)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I Hate How Much I Love You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12489932) by [FantasyScribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasyScribe/pseuds/FantasyScribe)




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